I have been nesting like crazy. You know – that kind of nesting that women have been known to do right before they go into labor? I have been a whirlwind of productivity.
In the past week since we’ve returned from vacation, I have done 16 loads of laundry. No, all of the cats and our dog have not started wearing clothing. I have decided that all of the spring/summer bedding needed to be changed out and washed of course, before putting it away for the winter. I also washed all the area rugs, cat and dog bedding, curtains, pillows – pretty much anything I could get my hands on. I’m all caught up on the ironing. Fall decorations are up. All the gardens have been trimmed, cut back and/or weeded. And I have 30 days of meals for us all prepared and stored in the freezer. The house is clean. I have stocked up on all groceries and paper products enough to last for quite a while. The bills have been paid. The dog has been bathed. The cats have had their nails cut, and I am stocked up on plenty of pet food and litter. I had the pleasure of hosting one last dinner party using my much-loved china. I had a really wonderful Date Night with my hubby. I had one last great run yesterday morning. I’ve loved up my furkids even more than usual. And I even got to play a round of golf with special friends on a gorgeous Fall day today.
And the reason? Tomorrow morning I will have corrective surgery to try and fix some of the mistakes from my nightmare surgery 18 months ago when I almost died. Of course I hope that this will all go smoothly, and I’ll recover according to the 4-8 week plan as outlined by my new doctor, and not almost-die again. Unfortunately, it is impossible for me to not have the anxiety that I am experiencing, since that last surgery is still too much of a reality for me. My wonderful therapist has been working with me twice a week to give me all kinds of coping mechanisms to get through this, but nightmares, nausea, headaches and panic attacks have been plaguing me once again. PTSD sucks.
Thank you to those of you who have reached out and wished me well. Please forgive me for not returning your calls. Please understand that I’m hanging on to my composure by a thread. Your prayers and good thoughts are all appreciated more than I can express.
So here’s my dream: tomorrow will go so smoothly and perfectly and I will bounce back so quickly that I’ll be able to read and crochet and knit all day long and be a lady of leisure – without feeling any guilt whatsoever about neglecting my cooking and cleaning. It has all been done. My ducks are indeed all in a row.