My mother tells me that from the time I was a toddler, when asked what I wanted to be when I grew up, I’d always answer “a mommy”. That is something that never changed as I grew up.
I was blessed to have been given a son. As happens with most moms, the minute I first held him I was overwhelmed with the strongest feelings of love that I have ever known. I bonded with my son instantly, and it was a bond that only grew stronger as quickly as he grew bigger.
Oh to have even just one more day with this precious little man. <3
My son can trigger my emotions like no one else. Not only can he push my buttons or make me angrier than anyone else possibly could, but he also has the power to make me prouder and happier and laugh more. His joys are my joys. His sorrows are my sorrows. His pain is my pain. And as every mom knows to be true:
My son and I have been through a lot together, but we have always had each other’s backs. My son has made my world so much bigger and brighter, so it only stands to reason, that my world is a little bit less without him. He has always had such an adventurous spirit and and has encouraged me to try so many things I never would have tried on my own. He still is the one who best “gets” me.
When my son was in high school, I wondered how I would survive him leaving home. This guy was my HEART. His needing of me less and less was painful. Fortunately, he chose to attend community college initially, and lived at home during this time. So I got to hold on to him just a little bit longer. When he did leave home, the pain was so sharp, I wondered how I would breathe. Not knowing where he was and what he was doing and if he was safe or hungry or had had a good day was a huge adjustment.
The pain of letting go of your child once he’s an adult is as sharp as the love every mom feels when first holding that child. When he comes home for a visit, it’s always the shiniest, happiest feeling. And when he leaves, I still cannot part from him without tears.
As hard as it has been to let go, I certainly don’t want to hold him back in any way. I want him to go out and enjoy a big, happy, healthy life full of love and whatever success means for him. I will never stop finding every detail he wants to share with me as anything less than fascinating. His random texts and calls are precious to me.
My sweet little boy that I used to hold in my arms has become a man who now holds me in the very best of bear hugs. A tall, handsome man with a great sense of humor, a great sense of adventure, an optimistic attitude and a really good heart. It’s comforting to know that I can now call him a friend. My son is far from perfect, but I couldn’t love him more.
Thanks for making me a mom, Nick. And as I hope you will always remember, no one could ever possibly love you more than I do. <3